There is a full-length mirror facing the audience. Cue Card Holder stands next to the mirror holding large cue cards. When Cue Card Holder raises a new card, there is a break in action long enough for the audience to read the card. During the break, the performer freezes in place, then resumes after the break as if never having stopped.


Una:

[Skipping in with her hands cupped in front of her as if carrying a bug.]

I’m bringing home a baby bumble bee,
won’t my mama be so proud of me,
I’m bringing home a baby bumble bee
Shit! That little fucker just stung me!

[She opens hands, drops bee, stomps on it. Faces audience.]

I feared the bee until I squashed it.
Feared that li’l bee until I squashed it dead.
I usually only bite if I’m asked nice. Real nice.
And I usually like my bees contained,
where I can keep a close eye on em.




When I was a kid, I used to cut holes
in the tops of peanut butter jars,
then run around my yard stomping on bumble bees,
not hard enough to kill em though,
just kinda quick to stun em for a minute.

I’d scoop em up and put em in the jars
that I’d fill with fresh grass and dandelions.
Then I’d wait for em to make me some honey.
I’d talk to em, give em names, fresh flowers,
and not one of em ever gave me any honey.
But it sure didn’t stop me from trying.

When I got older I finally learned
the difference between bumble bees and honey bees.
You’d think my parents might’ve told me about that back then,
but no, they just let me run around,
stompin bees with bare feet, trying to pet them,
thinking if I could make them like me,
they just might make me some honey
to put on my peanut butter sandwiches.

But no, my parents never said a word,
they just pulled out the stingers and gave me antibiotics
every time one of my little pets stung,
’cuz bee stings make me swell up like a blimp.
No one ever thought to tell me “Una, you’re allergic
to bees, they sting you, you cry, you hurt
and the damn things are never gonna give you any honey.”

No one ever told me that ’bout friends, lovers or life, neither.
I always have to learn things the hard way.
I feared that bee until I squashed it.
I like my bees contained. And I sure like my honey.


BEE CONTAINED


I wanna taste my honey.
Mmm mmm mmm licking my sweet sweet honey.
I only feared that bee til I squashed it.
Someday I’m gonna grow wings of my own,
gonna fly fly fly so high above... beyond...


WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN


Someday I’m gonna bite when I’m not asked.


REAL NICE


Someday, I’m gonna remember who I was yesterday
and know who I am today.
And they’ll get together for honey tea
and maybe they’ll be okay.

Holding hands they’ll go skipping
down the sidewalk, looking
for tomorrow, next week, next month, next year...

[Una turns toward mirror, sees her reflection.]

You again?


SHE PREFERS TO DANCE ALONE


I didn’t invite you, Trece.


NO PARTNER TO LEAD, SHE JUST DANCES CIRCLES AROUND HERSELF


I don’t need you, ya know. I can be alone.
I can be like Castor without Pollux. Ginger
without Fred. I can dance alone. I am...

[Looks in mirror]

Who am I?

[Looks away, puzzled.]


SHE USUALLY DANCES AROUND TOUGH QUESTIONS, TOO


I am the queen bee.
I am a Gemini.
I am Una.
I am a lone dancer.
I am Una and
I am a lone...

Trece:

The answer was not stated in the form of a question.


THIS IS JEOPARDY


Una:

Who is Una?


DOUBLE JEOPARDY


Last night I was Dorothy, clicking
together the heels of my ruby reds.
There’s no place like home,
There’s no place like home.
There’s no place...


HERS IS THE THIRD HOUSE ON THE LEFT


[Una faces the mirror, switches to Trece]

Trece:

Last night the Wizard got pissed and dropped Una back to the yellow brick road on her ass. Seems she didn’t know what she wanted. He started grumbling about women and their indecisiveness.


TRECE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HIS GENDER STEREOTYPING


He said he was just a Wizard, not a miracle worker.


THEN SHE BROUGHT UP HIS NAPOLEON COMPLEX


Sure, he can grant a few wishes, spring for some glittery pumps, cab Fare, but that’s about his limit.


THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD... A DOOMED FORAY


And Una, well, that Una’s no innocent li’l Dorothy and the wizard’s no psychotherapist. Besides, therapy never seems to work for Una.


QUEEN OF DENIAL


She’s always looking for the quick fix.


AND SOMEONE ELSE TO INJECT HER WITH IT


Always falling in love with the idea. And like her little bees, dying every fall.


PEOPLE WOULDN’T FALL IN LOVE IF IT DIDN’T HURT TO LAND...


[Points to card holder]

Cynic!

[Facing reflection again]

Like her precious queen, she kills them off one by one. Leaving them dead. Gutless.

Una:

No. Maybe that’s how it was,
maybe I’ve fallen a few times,
but I’m getting back on my feet now.


STILL WEARING THOSE TACKY PUMPS, TOO



Moving forward. Leaving the old me behind.


MUST BE HARD WALKING AWAY IN THOSE HIDEOUS THINGS


This time’s gonna be different.
I’m better off this time around.
Nothing’s gonna stand in my way.
Old friends were bringing me down, anyway.

Trece:

Never her fault. How can it be?


SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHO SHE IS


Born color blind, poor thing, only dreams black and white. Knows there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but wouldn’t know how one rainy day could differ from any other. She’s been walking around on her hands for so long. Blood rushing to her head, heart slowly draining... afraid to let her feet touch the ground.


FORGOT ALL ABOUT EXERCISING HER SOUL


Afraid they might land her in quicksand. And so sick of herself that she hides from her.


SHE’S GOTTA GRIP THE PRINCIPLE OF POLARITY


She’s only a fraction of what she could be. A quarter of the half that could combine to make her whole.

Una:

A quarter? Can you spare a quarter?
Cuz I’ve just gotta reach out and touch someone.
I need to let my fingers do the walking.
I’ve gotta call home, cuz there’s no place like. . .


HASN’T BEEN HOME SINCE LAST YEAR


I gotta call ahead cuz I’m bringing home my baby
bumble bee and they’ll need to set an extra place
at the table for me and my honey...

Trece:

She thinks definition can be found in another.


SHE READS THE DICTIONARY


Sometimes she knows better.


BUT SHE HASN’T QUITE COME TO TERMS


Like when lovers introduce her. “I’d like you to meet my partner, Una. ”


THIS PROPERTY BELONGS TO...

Turns tail and runs away as fast as those little legs can carry her. Such a mercurial sort...


GEMINIS ARE RULED BY MERCURY


Follows that scattered head of hers. Una tells ’em all to go to hell and if that doesn’t work she’ll just drive them there herself.


MERCURY IN GREEK = HERMES


Hasn’t felt a pulse in so long, probably doesn’t even remember she has a heart. So mutable. So capricious. So confused. Keeps thinking she can go home and the little girl with the bee sting is just gonna whisper truth in her ear and she’ll walk away changed. Thinks there’s a secret can fix everything if only she knew...



Una:
Oh we’re off to see the wizard...
Yeah we. This time I’m traveling with my three monkeys.
And when we see the wizard, we’re gonna ask him for some eyes


SEE NO EVIL


some ears,


HEAR NO EVIL


and a voice


SPEAK NO EVIL


and there won’t be a secret anymore.
When I bring home my baby bumble bee
will my mama be so proud of me?

Trece:

She’s allergic to bees. Puffs up like a zeppelin. Never learns. Let her damn bees kill off her last love-deadly allergic.
Smothered: she couldn’t breathe enough for ’em both.

Una:

Miss Mary mack mack mack
all dressed in black black black
too bad it’s gone gone gone,
I’d like it back back back.

Trece:

When she wants something so mechanical she oughta look away and just stick to that battery operated lover that fits so nicely in her purse...


IT’S A MINI-PEARL


Una:

No, what I really I want is to grow a stinger of my own.

Trece:

She wants the power to hurt. Best defense is a good offense.


SHE WANTS LOVE


[Trece turns to cue holder]

Same thing.

[Cue holder sticks tongue out at Trece]


CYNIC


Una:

I’m so sorry baby. Mama never told me
not to play with my bees. So very sorry, baby,
but could you please just give me that stinger
now before I forget what it is I wanted?


FEAR THE BEE


I know I shoulda squashed that bee when I had the chance.
I just wanted to taste your honey, baby,
but I couldn’t get close enough without it stinging.
So now I’m growing my wings, gonna fly fly fly...


SOLO THIS TIME


Trece:

Before the sands run out and you die, my pretty. Yesterday catches up with today,




FORGIVE NOT FORGET


sets sights on tomorrow.

Una:

Stingers lead to antibiotics
which only brought the swelling down.
Closest I’ve come to god
or salvation was a green and yellow pill.
Now the fucking monkeys stole my fix,
spilled my secrets and we’re outside looking in.

Trece:

She knows who I am.

Una:

Yes, but who am I?
Trece:

Una.


ANSWER IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION


Who is Una?


THIS IS FINAL JEOPARDY


Una:

I am Una. And I’m bringing home my baby bumble bee.


EMBRACING THE PRINCIPLE


And I’m clicking my heels
cuz there’s no place like home
and I’m gonna go find it.
There’s no place like home.
There’s no place like home.
There’s no place like home.


OBJECTS IN MIRROR MAY BE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR


[Una’s cheek is pressed to glass of mirror]

Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
who’s the fairest one of all?

You are, Una.

[Kisses reflection and turns away from mirror.]